{"id":5776,"date":"2025-06-25T10:21:44","date_gmt":"2025-06-25T00:21:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/murrayslatter.me\/?p=5776"},"modified":"2025-10-06T01:30:18","modified_gmt":"2025-10-05T14:30:18","slug":"moving-through-change-right-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/murrayslatter.me\/?p=5776","title":{"rendered":"MOVING THROUGH CHANGE RIGHT NOW?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

You might have just finished reading my article on Change Management Curve<\/a> and want further support either professionally or personally. In this post I look at how the model applies to billions of us navigating our new way of life right now. I point out many of us are embarking on multiple change curves; whether that be learning how to work from home, homeschooling children or living in isolation among many other challenges. And with change comes a lot of emotions – as we saunter or skip between resisting change and committing to change by exploring new ways of being, and moving through change.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I finally talk a little about how we can move through these emotions more easily. I briefly explore the importance of knowing where we do have control and influence at a time where we can feel we don\u2019t have much. It\u2019s important to know where we have agency and control in our lives as we navigate this new normal and seek to come out the other side having hopefully learned something positive along the way.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MORE ON THE KUBLER-ROSS CHANGE CURVE<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The Kubler-Ross Change Curve is used by business leaders across the world to help their workforce understand and adapt to change and move towards success. Its origins lie in the 5 stages of grief and consists of the various levels or stages of emotions which are experienced by a person who will soon approach death or survivors of an intimate death. The 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This model was introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in a book called \u2018Death and Dying\u2019. After publication the model was widely accepted and it was found that it was valid in a majority of cases and situations relating to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The 5 stages, according to Kubler-Ross, are transferable to different ways and degrees and can vary from person to person. It also holds true in the case of others who may be facing less serious physical conditions or trauma, such as those enduring work issues, relationship problems and financial problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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In the times we live in right now this change curve seems applicable. Billions of people are on it and at different points on any given day. Below is the model. And beneath it an example of how many of us may have reacted when at certain points on the curve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shock<\/strong> – \u201cThey locked down a whole city in China\u2026 that\u2019s really odd.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Denial<\/strong> – \u201cItaly is in nationwide lockdown? I don\u2019t think it could be the same here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Frustration<\/strong> – \u201cI hate lockdown. I want to see my family, friends and colleagues. I don\u2019t want to work from home. I want to go on the holiday I booked!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Depression<\/strong> – \u201cI\u2019m sad about what I\u2019ve lost – my freedom of movement, my social connections, my job security.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Up to this point change is being resisted. Beyond this point we move into <\/em>committed acceptance<\/em><\/strong>, whereby we begin to embrace change.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Experiment<\/strong> – \u201cWorking from home is still happening for the foreseeable future, let\u2019s think about what\u2019s not working and try out new approaches. Maybe I won\u2019t work in the bedroom, kitchen, hallway, and living room and just work in the spare bedroom instead.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Decision <\/strong>– \u201cWith my new desk, plants, slack tea break chats, and by getting properly dressed for my work day I got a lot more done today!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Integration<\/strong> – After lockdown I may now even ask to work from home on Fridays!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HOW MANY CHANGES ARE YOU EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s important to mention you may be on one change curve or several. Here are the most common changes we are experiencing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Remote working<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Homeschooling<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Relationship Changes<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. Caring for parents\/grand parents\/neighbours  <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. Ill health (personal, in home, friends\/relatives)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  6. Job insecurity<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  7. Furlough<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  8. Financial insecurity <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  9. Role change <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    How many of these are you experiencing at the moment?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    When I reflect on my own experiences and those of the clients I coach it becomes clear that we dart between different points on the curve in any given day. And we are on several curves, which makes this perhaps even more confusing emotionally – \u201cIs the frustration I\u2019m feeling right now because of the fact I\u2019m remote working, the fact I\u2019m home-shooling my child, the fact I\u2019m still feeling ill, or a combination of all three?\u201d. The day can therefore become a \u2018rainbow of emotions\u2019 as I call it. I have one client that is keen to experiment with effective ways to work from home whilst at the same time feeling frustrated by the lack of sleep she is getting due to her toddler now being permanently at home. She\u2019s also frustrated the promotions rounds have been postponed at work until the year end and her partner just got put on furlough, which could cause feelings of anxiety and depression due to their shift in finances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Yet it can be tempting to focus on the positive and say \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d when people ask. Particularly when it is our family or our work colleagues, since we may not want to appear weak. But if we deny we are even on the curve and won\u2019t talk about where we are on it then how can we expect to move through it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    MOVING THROUGH THE CURVE<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Feelings of shock, denial, and frustration are all natural responses as we seek to resist change. This is normal since change means loss – losing the way things were. But as we begin to acknowledge what we have lost and begin to feel sadness or depression about it we are then moving closer to what I\u2019ve heard described as committed acceptance<\/strong> whereby we consciously choose to accept reality for what it is and begin to embrace the change and the new opportunities it can bring in ways that will benefit us. So how can we move through the curve, so we can get to committed acceptance?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I think there are 4 key aspects we can draw from psychotherapy and coaching that are important for us to think about, so we can all move through the curve in healthy ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. CONTAINMENT – CREATE A SPACE WHERE SHOCK, FRUSTRATION, AND SADNESS CAN BE EXPRESSED AND SHARED <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
    \"clipdealer_A10268708_preview.jpg\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    \ufeffOur emotions need containment\u2026 within ourselves or by sharing them with others.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    In my role as a coach I act as a container (like the glass above) for my client\u2019s emotions. If they are navigating a big change it\u2019s useful for them to pour out some of their feelings of denial, frustration and sadness. Doing so helps them clear their thinking, so they can move on to the work of imagining new possibilities for how to make the change work for them. If they don\u2019t have anyone to act as a container for them then those feelings or frustration, anger and sadness can build up inside them or leak in unwanted and unrelated places, such as workplace arguments, domestic squabbles, or supermarket aisle stand-offs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    So how can we act as containers for the people around us? We do it by being there for people. Ask how they are feeling. Listen. Reflect back what we hear them say about how they are feeling, so they feel heard. Tending to emotions in this way helps contain others\u2019 emotions. When this doesn\u2019t happen emotions can build up or leak in outbursts. Talking, listening and labelling our emotions turns down the volume of these emotions. This then allows us to think more rationally and carry on.  It\u2019s worth noting many of us are not taking normal breaks right now, so get we exhausted a lot quicker and are therefore less able to contain our emotions. I\u2019ve heard many stories of people who are working right through their day in back-to-back Zoom meetings or wanting to work on projects to feel \u2018busy\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    So I invite you to ask yourself who is helping you contain your emotions. Who can you tell how you are really feeling from one moment to the next right now?  And if you leads teams (or parent a family) then it\u2019s important to ask how they are feeling too. Do you listen and reflect back to them what they are saying to validate they have been heard and that it is ok for them to feel that way right now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    2. CREATE PSYCHOLOGICAL zSAFETY – A SAFE SPACE TO EXPRESS HOW PEOPLE FEEL,<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY ARE ON THE CURVE <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    It\u2019s important for people to know that they won\u2019t be judged if they want to talk openly about their challenges right now.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    When talking about where we are on the curve it needs to be a space of curiosity and non-judgement. A space where losing face will never be a concern. A space that can contain any anxiety, frustration, or sadness, so it can be expressed. These spaces need to permit people to be vulnerable and say \u201cI need time off tomorrow\u201d or \u201cthis is really hard\/challenging\u201d and for that to be ok. People are often anxious about how they will be perceived at work if they say these things. They worry if they say something will they be considered weak or unable to cope. Leaders need to get in touch with this level of anxiety amongst staff and alleviate it. Invite people to share and speaks up about how they are really feeling when you talk to them. Be honest and open about where you are on the curve. Encourage people to embrace and learn from failures and mistakes – so what if they are feeling less productive at home? That\u2019s to be expected. They can instead reflect on what might be blocking them in this new work environment and play with changes to see if it helps. Be curious about where they are struggling or are frustrated. Ask questions about how they might overcome their challenges. Talk about your own frustrations, fears, and worries too, to role model that it\u2019s ok to talk about that. Talking about it enables these feelings to be discharged. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I invite you to think about where you could feel safe to talk about how you are finding these changes. And ask who you can help to feel safe to talk about how they are finding these changes too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    3. FIND A SECURE BASE OR BE A SECURE BASE<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
    \"woman-in-brown-sleeveless-dress-and-blue-jeans-standing-on-906106.jpg\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    We all need a secure base of our own. It can be a person (a trusted family member, friend, partner , colleague, a coach or a therapist). Or a hobby or a spiritual practice – someone or something that you can go to to recharge yourself or to turn to when you need to talk\/think. That offers comfort and reassurance and at the same time allows us to operate in the world with confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    In attachment theory a \u2018secure base\u2019 is provided through a relationship with one or more sensitive and responsive attachment figures who meet the child\u2019s needs and to whom the child can turn as a safe haven, when upset or anxious. When children develop trust in the availability and reliability of this relationship, their anxiety is reduced and they can therefore explore and enjoy their world, safe in the knowledge they can return to their secure base for help if needed. We as adults also need a secure base as we explore this emerging new normal whilst occasionally feeling upset or anxiety too. I for one rely on a weekly Skype chat with my mum to discuss my worries, concerns, frustrations as well as sharing the positives in all this. I also check-in with close friends each week to share how we are all feeling. And I commit to a daily walk, since it helps clear my thinking and means I know I\u2019ve done one good thing for my health every day (I like to think it counter-balances the increased chocolate intake of late).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    And if you are a leader you need to think about how you could role model being a secure base. Such leaders show trust in their team, show they believe the team can succeed, make themselves available to listen and are consistently available. Alternatively, Avoidant\/Dismissive leaders don\u2019t want to talk about feelings at work, wanting team members to just get on with job and so create more anxiety in their team. They also tend to micro-manage more in the team, which indicates a lack of trust; raising anxiety levels further.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Think about what or who is your secure base. What could it be? Who could it be? And how can you be a more secure base for those who look up to you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    4. CREATING A REFLECTIVE SPACE<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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    We all need a place to step away from doing and to just be<\/em>\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Having a space to still ourselves at times of high anxiety like this is important.  It\u2019s critical for teams and families to have this space too. If you lead a team or have family or friends that depend on you it\u2019s useful to do 5 minute check-ins to ask:<\/p>\n\n\n\n